I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
