you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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