I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she told me i tasted like america
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
