So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
