a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Drunk is not a location!
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