i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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