That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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