I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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