wrigley field is MILF paradise
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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