Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
