Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
