My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
