after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
