So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
