I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
