...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
