i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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