So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
