im six kinds of drunk right now
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize