Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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