So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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