She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
