physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize