Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
