She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
