Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
