Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
