YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
