You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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