I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
