i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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