i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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