So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize