Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
