Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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