I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
