he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
