i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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