Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
