i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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