I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
