evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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