Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
