just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
