end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You work out of a Hotel?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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