Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
