I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
