Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
