alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
