GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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