Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My life is pants optional.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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