fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
