Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
