you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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