Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
