at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
