If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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