He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
