I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
