omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
try to milk me bitch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
