I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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