After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
