I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
