The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
